Everyone, Meet Ty!

We found that he does jump on furniture, and then refuses to get up! :) Lovin' Daddy.

Such a goofball!

First car ride with my new mommy!

After about an hour of wrestling around...day 1. Tai Chi and Sam love him. Joey hates everyone but Jim. :)

Okay, so I know Jim and I had talked about taking a break after losing Oscar, perhaps even just having the 3 animals we have and not adding anymore, but he'd went to the humane society over the weekend with the kids and I promised I'd look at this one dog when I had a day off. So, off I went. I liked her, she was a bulldog. However, I saw some red flags...I knew she'd be too much for our Aussie. I was walking by the kennels, and saw this GORGEOUS boxer. Ironically..he looks SO MUCH like Oscar! I told Jim to look him up on the NHS website, and he fell in love. They told me that this pup had been given up after being adopted for ONE DAY. What?! Apparently, he'd been adopted and brought back for food aggression. They told me that he'd need to be fed separately, with the door shut. Do not hand feed him treats, grab toys near or in his mouth, don't let kids have treats anywhere near him, etc. I tested every one of those. In fact, the NHS staff nearly peed themselves when I HAND fed him multiple treats, AND played tug-of-war with a ball IN his mouth. The only issue I saw with him (aside from his excessive Boxer drooling) was jumping and barking. He's 4. I expect that. I put a hold on him for that evening for Jim and Sam to meet, and made an appointment for Sam to meet the bulldog, as well. Well, these two got along GREAT, however, the bulldog was just that...a bully! Super sad, as I really liked her, and Jim and the kids LOVED her. The kids were bummed that we didn't get her, but understood when we told them what happened. We went home that evening without Ty, as we needed to think about it. Well, the entire ride to football practice, all I could think about what how he'd jumped up onto the door, showing only his perked ears and sad little eyes. I almost cried. I think Jim did get teary. We went out for pizza and talked about it. Called up the kids at their mom's and asked their permission. With the green light, I left a message with the adoption dude that I'd be by the next day to pick up our new "brother." He was so excited when I picked him up and took him to the pet store, where Jim met us to help with the intro to the other animals and our house. He's been wonderful. He DOES NOT have food AGGRESSION....perhaps it's more like OBSESSION. :) He's been a great addition to our family, and we couldn't be happier. Prior to getting him, Sam had been very sick...refusing to eat, drink, or play. He would vomit constantly...I mean CONSTANTLY. He's been doing MUCH better since he has a new buddy. In fact, SAM is the calmer one of the two! Crazy! They're about the same age, so they're quite fun to watch play!
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KC Trip-Couldn't Resist Buying These!

I'll Be Watching You

We had to say goodbye to our beloved Oscar on Sunday. He fell over the weekend, and wasn't able to get back up. While he still played, picked on the other animals, and smiled, his arthritis became to much for him, and for us. It was, hands down, one of the hardest things we've ever done. I would say next to saying goodbye to my brother, this was a close second. He went peacefully, without any pain or suffering. The kids are grieving, but doing okay. I promised AJ I would make a shadow box with his things. The animals are also grieving. Tai Chi now spends time in Oscar's empty kennel, and Sam refuses to eat or drink, and vomits constantly. We hope that the next few days/weeks bring some closure for all of us. We haven't discussed getting another dog yet, but I believe that Sam needs a buddy. Him and Oscar were ALWAYS together, being in the kitchen, kennel(s), sleeping, and in the backyard for hours. Oscar changed Sam for the better, and I worry deeply for him. We are also getting a very nice urn to keep in the house, as well as paw prints for all of us. Here's some pictures of his last 24 hours. The one in the car was his last picture. He was, obviously, the last one smiling. I'll never regret allowing Jim to have his favorite dog back, after have leaving him at his ex's house, who didn't want to keep him anymore. We'd already had a puppy and a cat, so I was tense about it, but I let him have his best friend back. Best decision ever. Hands down.

"If You Don't Want to Get Hit By a Truck, Don't Play in Traffic"

At least, that's what the perinatologist said yesterday. :) I went in there with my head held as high as I could hold it, which, being only 5 ft. tall, doesn't amount to much...BUT...we walked in together, as tough as we could be, knowing that the doctor's recommendation could either embrace us or crush us. For the past several weeks, I've not been able to discuss or even THINK about babies without becoming tearful and nearly having a breakdown. In fact, the longer we waited for this consult, the harder it became for me to contain myself in such situations...it got to the point where I had to remove myself from conversations when people were discussing pregnancy, newborns, babies, etc. It was heartbreaking, yet, I know what it's like to have to be on the other side of the fence...frankly...it's annoying as hell. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to be the one who couldn't tolerate being alongside or even in the same room with those having discussions about such and having to either have a breakdown in the middle of the room or leave the room, making it "obvious" (at least to me) that I have a problem. Finally, the day has come...we will have some kind of relief...the only question was, which way were we headed?

Gathering my medical history wasn't as bad as I'd imagined...I'd spent several weeks (no joke) calling hospitals, offices, clinics, etc, trying to send out my history from everywhere (current) to this perinatologist. It was quite the battle with a couple of places, which, unfortunately, were very much needed with this consult. Thankfully, the nurse let me know that they were able to get all of my records (whew). My husband made some type of smart-ass remark while walking behind me. Had I not been tearful the entire walk throughout this clinic, I may have turned around and backhanded him (joke, for all of you APS people out there). :) The nurse seemed to be pretty cool and calm, given my history, which I understand, there are many other people out there with much more extensive histories than mine, but given my age, I am still somewhat surprised with my own history some days. The doctor came in right after her, and I knew immediately that I'd made the right decision in choosing him (whoa...not used to that feeling!). After gathering my history and our current situation, he said that he didn't feel that we shouldn't keep from TTC based on that. He did say that, given my history, of course I am at higher risk (duh), and if you didn't want to get hit by a truck, don't play in traffic, in essence, if you don't want to risk clots or miscarriages, don't get pregnant. Another duh. :S Of course, I would be on Lovenox from start to almost finish, depending on the delivery. Obviously, I would have to be closely monitored. Given my history of MTHFR and the Spina Bifida Occulta, he suggested that I take Folic Acid (yet another duh). Pretty much everything he said, we knew....however, he DID give us something we didn't have...No, Dorothy, not a heart or a brain....haha Couldn't resist. He gave us reassurance that, just because I have this history, with or without our current fertility issue, does not mean that we should completely scrap the entire idea of conceiving and go straight to adoption. He did say that he does not deal with fertility (yeah yeah, we know), so that's something we will have to keep looking at. However, he did say that I cannot be on hormones (yet another DUH), so that will make it interesting. I asked him about seeing Genetics, and he suggested that we hold off....I already know that I hold a 50% chance of passing FVL to my child, however, MTHFR is a different story. I believe he said that it would be a 25% chance....given that I have compound heterozygous, I'm not sure I understand that. I asked him about my neurologist wanting me to have an MRI and MRA to rule-out Arnold Chiari, and if I did, would it make a difference. With a HUGE relief, he said that it would not matter either way. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

My husband said that, while I didn't smile throughout the appointment, he saw something in my eyes and face that he hasn't in a long time, which apparently resembled that of a smile. The doctor asked me what my current thoughts and feelings were....as I'd been holding back tears the. entire. time. I struggled for words....I wasn't sure if I was in total shock, or relief, or just in overload, even though the information given is what we'd already known, it was still uncertain until handed over on a silver platter by the perinatologist. It's hard for me to believe that this doctor doesn't think it's absurd for me to get pregnant when my own OB/GYN does, and I did express that to him. Fair enough, she's not the expert. However, I've also done my own research...finding women in similar situations losing babies up to 36 weeks, having 8 miscarriages, suffering from HELLP Syndrome, giving birth at 24 weeks. I'm not sure I could live through any of that. When I mentioned that to him, he answered with, "not everything is related to FVL or MTHFR." Fair enough. I suppose we are well-prepared, and we will be as careful as possible, but given my history and my known susceptibility to become dehydrated at the blink of an eye, it makes me worry JUST A TAD.

After that appointment, we had to jet over to Neurology. EEG was done...normal. Duh. :) (sounding like my stepdaughter). I explained to the doctor that I have no desire to continue with Topamax, as it cannot be taken while pregnant, it's expensive as hell, and it's making my hands and feet tingle to the point of pain. He followed me down the road and said to taper down and even off, if I choose to do so. In the meantime, he suggested some vitamin, which I have no intention of taking, as it cannot be taken while pregnant either. He also mentioned that I'd refused the MRI and MRA. Yes, yes I did. They're expensive, and I've had too many already, thanks. Besides, if I do have Arnold-Chiari, what's my treatment? Deal with it. I wouldn't qualify for surgery, and even if I did, I wouldn't go through that hell. He then proceeds to tell me that he'd looked back at some old ones, and he doesn't think I do have Arnold-Chiari...um...didn't I ask you to do that months ago, and you told me that you couldn't??? Whatever. Money saved, cancer-prevented (hopefully). Whew! He DID say that he believes these headaches to be migraines, which could be related to the history of thrombosis or my FVL or MTHFR, or may not. Either way, I've dealt with it for my entire life, and I'll continue to live with it. I refuse to be on the meds that I've been on...they make me feel awful, they're killing our bank account and insurance, and I can't be pregnant while on them, so what's the point in getting used to them?
So,  I'm starting to "somewhat" get back into wanting to baby-plan again, with the exception of still worrying...we still run some high risks, and we have a long way to go. Hopefully, we have some of the tools we need to get started. I'm glad I have the perinatologist that I do....I really do like the doctor, the staff, and the clinic.  Here's hoping!

<3

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow is the big day....and all it is is just the perinatology consult, but I'm still apprehensive. :( I have no idea which way the pendulum will swing...they may tell me we have a good shot, they may tell me we don't stand a chance and it's too dangerous. Also going to neurology for a follow-up after my consult, but that's on the back burner for now. Happy thoughts are welcomed!

Dance Recital Weekend!

She was in 6 different dances: 2 for her Ballet/Tap/Jazz Combo class, 2 for Hip-Hop, 1 for Pre-Pointe, and 1 for Relative Dance. Holy. Cow. This Mama is TIRED! Sooo many outfit changes in 3 different performances in 24 hours. Whew! We only really had two tragedies; her garment bag zipper on the bottom broke, but it was still shut. I'd had her hair accessories, shoes, socks, and pants all in labeled baggies in that pocket! Luckily, it happened when we had a few dances in between performances, so we had time to think. My mom raced into the bathroom and was able to break the zipper open without breaking her brand new bag. There was one time where we had one dance in between performances, and one without ANY, but they gave us a 20 sec. break to strip her and throw her next outfit on backstage, so we just covered her while she whipped into her next outfit.  The other one was during her last performance on the second day. Her pre-pointe costume ripped when she got up from her chair. She freaked, so I calmed her to keep her make-up from running, and we RAN for help. I didn't bring a sewing kit, but safety pins were of good use! A couple of gals held it up and helped pin it down. Couldn't even tell! For pictures, we RAN all day. Two pictures per class, so that's 8 pictures to be done...and that happened DURING dress rehearsal. Are you kidding me?! Luckily, we stayed ahead of schedule for almost all of her pictures, running and taking her individual ones ASAP, then doing her class ones right after each rehearsal. Once done, we'd strip and get into the next outfit, touch-up hair and make-up, and run to get the next individual. Good thing we did, since rehearsals ran behind, which wasn't OUR fault, so for her last ones, we BARELY made it! Had we not stayed ahead and gotten her individuals done early, she would have missed out on something. I'd say not bad for my first time, right?! :) I don't think this was nearly as bad as my modeling days...I didn't have THAT many outfit changes! lol Jim said I was a few clicks away from the moms on Toddlers and Tiaras. ha! Well, we had the garment bag, which her costumes minus pants, socks, shoes, and tights hung, and her shoes, socks, hair accessories, shoes, shoe accessories, and pants were in individual labeled baggies inside the back pocket of that bag, then we had a duffle bag with my recital outfit and part of hers so we could quick change together (though I ended up staying in mine for much of the time. lol), make-up, hairspray, our emergency things, curling iron, etc, her props needed, a bag with snacks, waters, and straws, our camera and camcorder bags, and other crap I can't think of. lol Anyway, her and I had an absolute blast, and I'm kind of sad it's over already. She got tons of flowers, and we got her a recital bear. :)

Getting Anxious

I'm beginning to wonder if I should even bother going to perinatology at this point. I go back and forth, thinking about the dangers I'll be putting myself and the baby through, and if the baby did make it, what could be passed on from me. I'm just having one of those pity party days...but it's lasting for much longer than a day. It seems like anytime anyone mentions us having a baby, I feel my face turn hot and my eyes water up...I'm not sure I can go through with this. The more stories I read about with women in similar situations, having multiple miscarriages...some as late as 36 weeks...I am not built for that. I'm just not.

 :(

They're Baaaaccckkk......

Oddly enough, despite having symptoms of a DVT while in CO, I didn't really have any headaches. Since we've been back, I had a minor one last week, and I started feeling a whopper coming on yesterday. It hasn't let up since. :( I wish they could figure me out so I can have SOMEWHAT of a "normal" life. I'm doubling my Lipoflavinoid with the hope that my tinnitus will quiet down, but since my headache started yesterday, that is all I can hear lately. :(

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I Knew Better Than That...

Well, while our trip to CO was a blast, I think we may have overdone it. I called my hematologist ahead of time and asked about Lovenox, as I was going to be flying, and we would be at a higher elevation than Omaha. The gal that I've been in contact with (goody) calls me back and says that I don't need to be on anything, since I'm not going to be in the mountains. Um, who said that? Okay, whatever. I took 4x the amount of Aspirin I normally do and tried to stay hydrated....tried. :) Well, Jim and I were spontaneous this trip, crazy, I know...and ended up in the Rockies. We kept going higher and higher....lol Prior to that, I was already experiencing the worst leg cramps I've ever had...to the point of panic. We almost went to the ER, but decided to wait it out and see if it was just dehydration. Being the nerd that I am, I did research while we were on the road, and found a study that showed that people in higher elevations who drank free water had an increased viscosity in their blood versus those who drank an electrolye drink (such as Gatorade...barf), which showed no changes or slight decrease. What?!?! Okay, weird..so we searched for Gatorade. You know, that's hard stuff to find in CO...especially around the mountains..all they have is, well, water! :) Anyway, it didn't go away, in fact, during the flight home, my other leg suddenly had a hot flush feeling.

I called my Dr. the next day and had an ultrasound done, which was negative. My hematologist was out of town, so they had someone else check me out. She ordered labs to see how dehydrated I was. My sodium was just a tad off, but being I'm 27, she felt that it should have been higher, so what did she recommend? Stay away from free water and drink Gatorade. haha Anyway, I asked her over the phone about the MTHFR mutation, and she tells me that she doesn't know anything about it, as she was only filling in and specializes in Leukemia, and in fact, there isn't much out there regarding the mutation as of right now. Fabulous. Perhaps that's why they didn't offer to do a d-dimer? It didn't really matter anyway...I had several large bruises and I would have had to show them and they would have said no to it anyway, but she didn't even think of it. Boy, do I feel safe or what. I then asked her if it was possible that I already had a DVT and it has moved. She said that given my history, yes, it is possible, and to watch for the signs and symptoms, and if anything happens to call the office. Yeah....that makes me feel a lot better. GREAT! :) So....I guess if you don't hear from me in a few weeks...I'm either in the hospital or dead.... :) You gotta have a sense of humor to stick around with me, btw. :)

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Happy 1st Anniversary!

We decided to go on a last minute vacation to Colorado! I'm wearing my tank from our wedding day! :) I can't believe it's been a year already! I actually received a ton of compliments throughout the day...lol

Here's the pic from our wedding day when I wore it. :)

Look At What We Found!

More proposal pics! :)

Here's a couple that we'd already had and I've posted...but just to remind me. :)

His mom caught those pics. :)